I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
