I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
