There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
