I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
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