that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
