come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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