Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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