I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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