i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
