But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I met the friendliest cop last night
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
