Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I have fence marks all over my body
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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