Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
