if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
