i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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