yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
