my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
