i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize