You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
