and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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