got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
