New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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