I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
