yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Randomize
