If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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