It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
