I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Randomize
