Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?