Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth