Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
