the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.