I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.