$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
