Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Randomize
