Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
