My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Randomize
