Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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