"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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