I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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