i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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