I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
