i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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