Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
