I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
