Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
