Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
