I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
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