white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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