Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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