im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
