The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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