Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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