You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
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She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
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Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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