My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
