is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
