I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Randomize
