I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
