don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Randomize
