I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
