dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
