Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Those nachos came to me in a dream
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
