can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize
