She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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