I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Are we still banned from the library?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
