Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
