He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Randomize
