cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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