How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
