I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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