she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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