Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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