smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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