Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
