i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
