She's JV to your varsity
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
