You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize