i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize