Fine. I'll sleep in my office
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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