I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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