ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
