So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
